my mind shimmers. and this is not a tragic thing.
i think it is a beautiful thing to note to myself and to you because now is a moment of capturing.
things come to the fore and flit away in flashes.
these insights stand at the peaks of great mountains of structure, of truth, of evidence. but it’s all too much to hold consciously. so i let those pinnacles move through me.
i see the feeling of what it’s like to be you. and now no longer. no wonder i can’t remember what happened ten minutes ago. so many comings and goings.
for a moment i saw your logic. why you, a particular “you,” are passionate. your mind is different from mine. saturated by your own structure of art, you push the world. or at least from my perspective it would be pushing. against the force of silence. i push too, but this push manifests differently.
it’s hard to hold information because i can’t “remember” things well on the surface layer–the logic of y = mx +b, the depth of a word, the sketching from life. all i can remember on that surface layer is this rising and falling. so i squint, i wait, i look sideways. it doesn’t matter whether my hands are on the keyboard, my words will still be degraded or starts of sentences. hmmm…maybe.
just the thinnest veneer enters the space between me and you in those moments of falling, the moments of recording.
i have to trust that where i started going in the beginning of that sentence has an end that will bring us close together.